I've always taken pride in being a good all-around guy. I generally went with the flow and after having kids, tried to make sure my kids had the best experiences. I loved taking them for rides on my bike when they were little, but then when they got mini bikes and were always loving to ride on them, it made me even more proud to be their father. I loved my wife for a long time and am still in love with her. I think that's why I'm pretty much off the deep end right now without a hope to surface again. Losing her just about killed me and now I'm finding myself in the bottle of just about any drink I can find. I'm grateful for my children at least, but I know I'm not being anything of a father to them right now. I just can't bring myself to do anything except think of things to do to find my wife, no matter what it takes. However, I'm usually too drunk to do so right now because of how much I've been drinking.

I was born and raised in Big Sky, Montana to Matthew and Nicole Youngblood. I was their only child, not for a lack of trying, but because my mother couldn't conceive again and hold a successful pregnancy. She called me her "miracle" all the time and I truly believed I was. My parents had a love like no other. It's a love that you only really read about in those romance novels, which my mother absolutely loved, so I guess it made sense in a way. I wanted to make sure that I found someone perfect for me like my parents seemed perfect for each other.

My father was in the Wild Wolves MC and my mother was a housewife and she took that very seriously. She ruled the house, even when my dad was home. She took care of everything at the house, including serving my father dinner when he came home after a long day at work. One wouldn't think to know that the woman ruled over the roost with a man like my father as the man of the house. Here's this big biker and then a small woman. But, my mother told me, that even dynamite came in small packages and I believe that even to this day.

Growing up, there wasn't a shortage of friends to play with. My best friends were also kids in the MC. I remember tearing up the town with them, always doing things here and there riding on mini bikes. Motocross also was not safe when we were competing either since we dominated that sport. We even joined peewee football and had a blast playing together. But when we got into junior high, we played football together for the school. And then high school, we quickly ended up earning our spots on Varsity. Those guys were Woody Moretti and Thorn Thomas. Our senior year of high school was the best year we had for football. We went undefeated and won State! Then again, our team was pretty stacked that year. I still show up to games for Big Sky High to show support for the kids.

Other than football in high school, that's where I met the love of my life: Leila. She was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and as soon as I could, I confidently went up and asked her out. She had just transferred to Big Sky after her parents moved to town from Helena. Not sure what brought her parents to Big Sky from the capital of our state, but I wasn't complaining. Thankfully, I didn't have to work too hard in getting her to go out with me. She had the brightest smile when I asked her out and accepted on the condition that I had to plan the entire thing and let her know the plan so she could convince her dad to let her go out with me. We were 15 at the time, so I couldn't legally drive yet, but I was just going to do what I could, even if I had to pick her up on my dirt bike. But as they say, the rest was history. I was completely hooked on Leila and knew she was the only one that could be as perfect as she was for me.

My senior year of high school, as well as all the practice and games for football, I started to prospect for the Wild Wolves. My dad was my sponsor and he had such pride in his eyes when I accepted the prospect kutte. I took prospecting seriously as well, having prospected with my best friends Woody and Thorn as well.

I married Leila soon after graduating high school and we started having babies soon after that. First we welcomed our oldest son, Trace Matthew Jr. We called him TJ from day one and he was my pride and joy. Then Leila got pregnant with twins, Ethan and Ella. After the twins, we had three more daughters: Lyra, Serina, and Rebekah, before TJ and Ethan got a little more back up in the testosterone department. That's when my youngest son, Jace was born, but then the girls had to get another one in the mix when we welcomed our baby girl, Blakely into the family. I wouldn't change any of them for the world, having loved each and every one of them from the moment Leila told me she was pregnant.

Not long after Blakely was born, my parents took a turn for the worse with their health. It happened fairly suddenly with my dad, but when his health started to decline, my mother's did as well. It was as if they were in sync completely with everything about them. My dad passed away first, followed by my mom before the month ended. It was hard, and Leila was my rock for the entire process of planning both funerals. I told her, I was glad my mom didn't have to live without my dad because of how deeply they loved each other.

Life did go on though, and I would be lying if I didn't think my life was perfect. I missed my parents, but knew they were together. I had my beautiful wife and my eight children, and watching them grow with Leila by my side was everything to me. However, that perfect life came to a screeching halt a couple of months ago. While out on a ride, like we do just about every week together as a family, I heard the worst noise I've ever heard in my life. I still can't get it out of my head. The sound of metal on metal and screams of pain before my eyes landed on my wife getting plowed over the bridge that we were at and down into the Gallatin River. I quickly got off my bike and ran to the edge to look down, seeing the car upside down. I ran to get down to the river to save my wife. I heard screams of pain, and knew it was coming from my children, which two, I didn't even know. I just knew I could hear them but I couldn't see or hear my wife anymore.

I don't know how long it was before I was being forced to go to the hospital because two of my kids were hurt and already at the hospital. I didn't want to leave though. My wife had to be found. When I got to the hospital, I had to get sedated. I was completely ballistic saying my wife was still out there. I wasn't going to believe she was dead and no matter what anyone said, I was going to argue that she was still out there.

I don't remember much after that at the hospital. What I do know is Jace and Rebekah were the two that were hurt. Their bikes were clipped and that's what sent them flying, but my wife was hit pretty much straight on, causing her to go with the car over the edge of the bridge. I've been back home now after Jace and Rebekah got discharged from the hospital, Ella taking most of the responsibility with them. I was just there to sign papers since I was their father. But as soon as I got home, I immediately started to drown myself in any alcohol I could get my hands on.

I've been out searching for my wife, in whatever drunken stupor I was in. I didn't care. I just wanted to find her. There were mornings that I don't even remember getting back in my bed, but there would be a glass of water with two Tylenol on my bedside table each and every one of those mornings. I never took it though, just going right back into my spiral. The days are a haze and I'm just wanting my wife back. I know I need to get back to work, but all I can think about is my wife. I'm going to head into work though becasue there are resources there I could use in trying to find her.